I want to talk about the spectrum of people's ability to cope with problems, myself included. I am coming to terms with something very interesting about myself - that I am very good at complaining, moaning, mostly about the small things (I tend not to moan as much about the big stuff). I complain about the increased workload in release mode, I complain about politics, I complain about the lack of sleep in my life, about missed exercise, not being able to go skiing last Sunday.
I have had this motto in my life for a long time - that it is better to complain and get things done than to never complain and never get things done. And this motto has worked for me... until recently.
I have been spending time with a friend who's had a lot of big stuff on her plate all at once. I am not going to list all of these things. She jokes and says that if she wrote a book, it would never get published because people would not believe it is the truth - it would be far to out of touch with the realistic. I joke that I wish Oprah was still around, as we might be able to dedicate a whole show to her life.
With all that she is going through, the most important thing to her is to fix it, to find normalcy. She often talks about other people's lives, dreams about how things could be better, asks me about my own life. And in discussion about her own situation, there are jokes, moments of frustration, sheer exhaustion, but never that moany-groany-complaining sense of life isn't fair.
What I have noticed in all this is that I want to be around her, I am not dragged down by her suffering. And I have realized that I could learn from this, that I could tone down my own moaning. My life is seriously good. There are so many blessings around me, I can't even count them. And yes, I do get tired, but that doesn't mean that I need to moan about it. If I can find a way in myself to push through it, to embrace that full life that I have rather than seeing the tired as a burden, it will not only make me happier, but also all those around me.
I am never going to be as strong as my friend. My husband who rarely comments on people says that she is the strongest person he has ever met which says a lot more than me saying it. But I for sure feel that I can embrace the grace with which she lives her life.
Re "But I for sure feel..." Me too.
ReplyDeletei think there's a capacity for strength in each and every one of us. some people never need to tap into it, others need to draw from it everyday.
ReplyDeletestrength is contagious - it works in a kind of feedback loop between friends and family and is most felt in close circles.
i think your friendship is a well your friend is drinking deeply from right now. drink deep! :)
thanks, dude - looking forward to pints in April.
ReplyDeleteyou may not know it but in a way, your connection, your presence, your capacity to stay tuned, to hold the look... that gives your friends strength. that is a solid, volcanic strength.. I can be safe in trying to be strong because I have people like you around. the best acrobats only learn after fall from great heights (and onto solid safety nets). that's your magic as a friend.
ReplyDeletei think i'll just keep moaning.
ReplyDeletemaybe she'll come and help me fix the non-problems i have! it's happened countless times.
Maria, can't wait to see you. We are heading to Dublin on Good Friday for 2-plus weeks.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note - you are not the moany type. Your sense of humor is to tell it like it is, in all the shades of grey. It's an Irish thing to be able to be 'realistic' without that high pitched sound that seems to come out of me when I am complaining.
Americans, we do positive well, and are terrible at the darker side of things, especially with humor! I'm working on it though.